Amy Schumer's 'Kinda Pregnant' Is Kinda Awful

I listened to Amy Schumer the other day on Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy podcast, and Cooper spent a few minutes talking about how funny and inspirational Trainwreck was to her.

It has been a hell of a fall.

There was a time when Amy Schumer was legitimately funny: Inside Amy Schumer was a massive hit on Comedy Central, and she was selling out arenas. I saw her once—she sold out two shows in the same night. I saw the second. She asked us to tell the audience from the first show that she was sorry it sucked, and then she proceeded to suck in the second show, too.

Even setting aside her political and social media controversies, Schumer hasn’t made anything better than aggressively mediocre since Trainwreck. Snatched and I Feel Pretty were terrible, and Michael Rapaport—yes, the most obnoxious man in New York—was somehow the best part of her Hulu series Life & Beth. That should have been a wake-up call. It wasn’t.

Now, after years of circling the drain, she’s finally hit rock bottom (or at least, her first rock bottom) with Kinda Pregnant, a Happy Madison production so mind-numbingly awful that it actually manages to tarnish the already garbage reputation of Happy Madison—a production company that exists solely to keep Adam Sandler’s friends employed. This one comes from director Tyler Spindel, whose resume is a graveyard of forgotten Happy Madison films (Father of the Year with David Spade, The Out-Laws with Adam DeVine and Pierce Brosnan, another David Spade vehicle, The Wrong Missy, and Rob Schneider’s stand-up special, Asian Momma, Mexican Kids).

Kinda Pregnant might be the worst of the bunch, featuring Schumer as Lainy (yes, without an E—if you’re proofing this, Lainey), a woman who fakes a pregnancy because she feels left out after her best friend, Kate (Jillian Bell), gets pregnant before her. Lainy expects her boyfriend of four years (Damon Wayans Jr.) to propose at a fancy dinner, but instead, he asks if she wants to have a threesome. She has a meltdown, takes off her dress, and rubs a cake all over her face. It’s that kind of movie. (And seriously, why can’t someone besides Bill Lawrence find Damon Wayans Jr. a decent role?)

Anyway, Lainy enjoys all the attention she gets while pretending to be pregnant, so she joins a prenatal yoga class, befriends Megan (Brianne Howey), and eventually falls for Megan’s brother-in-law, Josh (Will Forte, the only actor who comes close to being funny in this disaster). Chris Geere—of You’re the Worst fame—is wasted in the comedically emasculated husband role, while New Zealander Urzila Carlson flails in a desperate attempt to channel Rebel Wilson.

I already hate movies that revolve around a stupid lie bound to be exposed because they always require the audience to accept that everyone—including the love interest—will just shrug it off. But pretending to be very pregnant is a massive, deranged, f**king lie. And yet, we’re supposed to believe that Amy Schumer’s character—who is nothing but obnoxious, selfish, and insufferable—is so charming that everyone forgives her in the end.

It is a terrible movie. The only vaguely amusing moments involve Schumer pratfalling on her fake stomach, getting stabbed in her fake stomach by a little kid, or her fake stomach catching fire. These are cheap, lazy jokes, but they might as well be Chaplin-level genius in a Happy Madison film. The rest of the movie is unwatchable. It is Netflix sewage. Do not watch.