Tesla Earnings Tank, As Elon Musk Eyes White House Exit

No one ever seems to learn, no matter how many hundreds of examples exist, that no one comes out on the other side of a relationship with our current President unscathed (with the possible exception of Stephen Miller, who cavorts with Satan himself on his vacations). The richest man in the world is no exception. Sure, he got to jump around on stage and fire thousands of people for kicks, but it didn’t take long for people inside the White House to hate him, for gamers to troll him, and for Americans to launch a protest movement against his companies — primarily Tesla.

The year’s first quarter earnings arrived yesterday, and it was all bad news for Tesla. Profits fell 71 percent compared to the first quarter of 2024, and the company only managed to eke out a profit at all by selling regulatory credits to other automakers — not from car sales.

In fact, Tesla’s car sales dropped 20 percent year over year, largely because its CEO is one of the most toxic and disliked figures in the country. Thousands of people are selling their Teslas just to avoid the association — resale values are down 10 percent, even as other used car prices have ticked up 1 percent. Sales dropped despite — and maybe even because of — all the free promotion Elon Musk got from the White House.

Meanwhile, Musk now claims the future of Tesla lies in robotaxis, AI, and cheaper cars, though his “affordable EV” remains just a promise. Instead of building the long-teased $25,000 electric vehicle, Tesla poured time and money into the Cybertruck. And now, even the next-gen Model Y is delayed, tangled up in tariff chaos.

As for Musk, he says he’ll be spending less time with DOGE starting in May, after his influence in the White House tanked following a failed attempt to buy a Wisconsin judicial election. He also claims he’s stepping back because “the left is too mean”. He plans to devote more time to Tesla — though I suspect that’ll only make things worse.

Publisher’s Note: Per tradition, a photo of Lee Pace and his arms is used in lieu of Elon Musk for aesthetic reasons, and with apologies to Lee Pace.