Disney Wants To Give You More 'Holes'

I don’t know how substitute teachers operate these days. My guess is that they aren’t trying harder to teach. That isn’t a knock against the profession. It’s hard to walk into a class that’s been in swing for weeks or months and continue the lesson plan. The kids wouldn’t listen when I was in school, why would they listen now, with devices in their pockets capable of making AI photos of the substitute kissing a fish or something? The path of least resistance is to pop on a movie, something even slightly educational, and put your head down on your desk.

That’s how my substitute teachers did it. I was in school a few years after the Bill Nye boom, though I did see my fair share of the bow-tied scientist. The subs in my life were more liberal with what counted as “educational.” Remember The Titans hit theaters in 2000 and spread to classrooms soon after. It’s a fine movie (from what I remember), but not the best way to teach kids about the Civil Rights movement. I’m sure it made lots of white kids feel better about themselves, though!

Remember The Titans had its time in the sun, but within a couple of years, it would be replaced by Holes. The film starring Shia LaBeouf was based on a novel of the same name. It’s about a young boy with generational bad luck who is sent to a detention camp for kids where he and a ragtag group of misfits are forced to dig holes for an overbearing boss. It ruled (from what I remember) and was not educational in the slightest. Teachers showed it regardless because it was based on a hit book that many in my generation read. I was in high school by the time it could be shoved into a large, black tube TV on wheels, and I still saw it often.

Now, substitute teachers will have an even longer version of Holes to distract unruly kids. Disney has ordered a new pilot based on the hit book. Alina Mankin will write the pilot and Liz Phang will run the show. Deadline reports the synopsis is: “In this reimagining of the beloved 1998 book from Louis Sachar, a teenage girl is sent to a detention camp where the ruthless Warden forces the campers to dig holes for a mysterious purpose.” For those familiar with the book, yes, it looks like the team behind the show will gender-swap the lead role, which is surprising given Disney’s recent penchant for caving to the worst people.

The new show will have a lot to live up to in a good way. The book is good and the movie has an insanely stacked cast (even counting Jon Voight). The original film also has a song that not only RIPS (I started krumping at my kitchen table when the beat just dropped) it does one of my favorite things, recounting plot points of a film during its closing credits. I don’t know if the new show will be good for substitute teachers to stream to their student’s iPads or whatever goes on these days, but if it retains any of the previous elements, it should be a good time.